The Moment, All I Had Was That,
by Anna Fawn
Summary: Early in New Moon. I'm looking for suggestions on how to go about this story, but it's basically a change in Bella's reaction during the break up and what I think should have been said. I'm not the best at editing or grammar so I apologize before hand.
1. The Time for it

**So I'm hoping people will help me continue this story with suggestions, but it is about all that Bella should have said and fought for Edward to see himself. I apologies for my grammar and lack of decent editing. My first question is, how does Edward react to what Bella says?**

"Wait!" She reached for me, but I couldn't fight her off much longer, nor could I bare fleeing from her grasp. I caught her quickly as I pressed one last kiss to her forehead, one last inhale of her delicate aroma.

Then I was about to flee, "Edward, god dammit, if you've ever cared listen to me for one second." I knew I needed to go, before I no longer had the strength, but how could I deny her when she put it like that? It'd be better if I just went, but I couldn't. I was surprised she'd cursed or even said such a thing. I refocused on her. To my surprise a flash of determination crossed the beautiful brown galaxies of her eyes, just as I thought she'd already faded from me, just before I could go. Of coarse it would.

"If your really going, theirs just so much I have to say, so much I haven't said because I was selfish, always insisting I had more time and you always seemed so happy." she sighed. My heart ached at her words and called back, of coarse I was so happy with you, and it surprised me she'd ever call herself selfish, she truly didn't see herself right, but what could she possibly have held back that's so integral now?

"I know you have a soul Edward," She'd stated that before. I waited a silent moment seeing the intensity in her eyes. "You are a person because people have personalities and your not just a cold, hard, and handsome shell, that's why I love you. I love you because you are someone and an outstanding someone. To me, no one could ever be better than you already are and you still have so much potential Edward! People also have souls and if a soul is just a ticket to heaven than whats it really worth? A soul should be a persons personality, history, morals, and talents-everything that makes them themselves. All a ticket to heaven is worth is nothing to the living. What if theirs nothing after this life? then we only have now. And what if their is something, but only for those who have a ticket? Then those who fall into the nothingness have nothing to complain about unlike the existing and it'd all be so corrupt. Meaning still, now is all that matters. Besides who's to say the universe is right or karma exist? what if good people don't make it, Edward? What then is a soul worth if it isn't about the person? What if you, my mom, Carlisle, or Esme don't make it? What if I don't? What then Edward is a soul worth if not the person and what is that person worth if not for the intent of them to be good prevailing? We are all initially selfish beings Edward, in any form. You crave blood, me and other humans crave food-so much so that when starved human kind has a fine history of resorting to cannibalism! Do you think I blame them whether I agree or not? Do you think I blame you, or Jasper, or any vampire who drinks blood? I honestly don't. To rise above are most selfish and disgusting desires is what makes us good, even just the desire to. You think I'm so selfless, well how naive is that considering I only act in the favor of others because I care so much for them it would harm me more than death to see them in pain or dead themselves! Tell me that's in no way sinful or selfish Edward? Can you honestly say your desire to protect me isn't because losing me would hurt you so terribly? And despite that, I'm selfish enough to disregard my own knowledge and act on instinct to protect you therefore protect me even though you'd be the one to suffer most? We are all selfish even if that's a terrible truth, so don't you dare tell me your selfish-I already know and you just have to accept it and try to be as good as you can be! As good as I know you to be! The worlds not perfect, nor are the circumstances while living! All, but those few dark cards and then again, maybe even those are innocent at the core. We each can only go off what we feel and experience.

You know hunger, you know love, and you act on that knowledge. I wouldn't be alive if you didn't, but if all you ever had was hunger, I'd be dead. Like if Alice didn't have her visions she'd be disastrous. Or Jasper before he knew their was another way. So you've killed humans before! So you were one long ago! You awoke and what you had was a blur, pain, hunger, fear, and distress-then Carlisle. No one could justly blame you for acting on your nature, but for you to automatically go against it-your such an amazing person, even as a killer. Your conscious makes you beautiful, but it's time to let go, let go of the guilt, and be beyond beautiful, Edward. I know you can, you just have to accept reality, nature, life, who you are-your soul, Edward! Just accept your soul."

To think, that's what she was holding back; never before had I heard Bella speak so many words.


	2. Alice Interrupting Wonderland

**A Millionth Time Thought**

Having thought about it - over all of this time - I really should have added, "And Edward, if this were about your belief in what's best for me and prioritizing it above what's best for you, you deserve to get whats best for you too. Just remember that and the fact I can decide for myself what's beneficial to me, and though the situation was never preferable, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I'm sure your the best that ever will. I never truly knew how to long for something before you, or the feeling of being loved and devoted too. Thank you. The next girl to capture you interest will certainly have a hard time living up to how outstanding you are Edward. " I'd end with a sigh, that last part being devastatingly painful, but I'd hold strong - especially for him. I've rehearsed it a million times, just one minute change. Then again, had I spoken those words...I'd probably of realized the whole instant was sincerely happening before me. What an idiot I was; even in that instant!

* * *

At that very moment, another voice came sweeping through the forest - an all to familiar voice! All of the sudden the world appeared to crowded, the words I wanted to hold so dear, the brown-eyed brunette I loved so much, and every part of my being gravitating towards home, all up against the unchanging situation and an aggravating sister's sudden barging in where she doesn't belong! The only explanation I found in her mind was the single thought, "Bella, Bella, Bella!" No reason why she was breaking are prearranged agreement! She even verbalized her thoughts in a long, loud, annoying call that would never reach Bella's human ears from that distance, but she persisted.

I shook my head and refocused on my -no not my Bella, just Bella from now and forever forward. I realized she'd misinterpreted my action, but hushed her before she could speak. I held my hand out for her to wait, recalling a memory of our first time in my meadow and shook my head once more, dizzy. Why was I have so much trouble focusing? Why does Bella always have that effect on me?

Her logic was silly and ridiculous, I'd have to have a soul because I have a personality. Yet, at the same time she did have many good points, some I'd heard before even. Even if I did have a soul, it still didn't change the situation though. What would my soul even matter without her? Nothing. Just as I'm sure I mean nothing to this world and Bella will soon forget me-

"God, I wish I could hear your rancid, determinedly self-loathing thoughts so I could fight against them for you! Can't you just do me one favor Edward? Be happy because I love you, the Cullen's love, and your human family loved you. Be happy because so many people care Edward! I care! It's the one thing I want above all else, just be happy and stop it, stop loathing your self." She was on the verge of tears, her eyes desperate and seeking, her heart beating passionately with her second speech. If only she knew...I can never be happy again because I am nothing without my love. And I will forever hate myself for being like pure venom to my love, thus separating me from her. Yet I still wanted to promise something, anything! She deserved something at the very least-

Just then Alice appeared, pouncing on Bella and squishing her in a hug. "Oh my gosh, I never knew you thought so much Bella, I never knew you felt all that! No wonder my brother loves you and you love him!"

"Alice!" I growled viciously, trying to contain my temper and focus,"You have no idea what your talking about, stop confusing Bella!"

"Your the one confusing her!" Alice screamed at me. It had been hard enough to fight her the first time, but now she was ridiculously clingy!

"Alice, let her go. I don't want to bother her anymore." I breathed,"Bella, thank you fore you kind words." -However undeserved. I nodded quickly and refocused on Alice. In her mind she was wailing, saying, "How can you leave after all that! How can you leaving knowing how she feels!?

I grabbed Alice's arm and tugged her away quickly. As far as Bella knew, we were gone the next second.

* * *

I now realize I acted rashly. Had I of just waited, everything would of ended up perfectly! Edward and Bella happier than ever and together right then. They'd of married on Christmas-my idea, and it would have been sweet and small-perfect for Bella and him! Maybe I'm just fantasizing. I only saw a glimpse after all. It was all so unpredictable, like there was never a chance in the world Bella would say all that, or that I would indeed see and ruin what she just fixed by mistake! It was like fate took control of destiny, but if that were the case...what was our destiny before? That I don't know either, so many unknown things! All I do know is I welcomed a much more complex future in my moment of rash action due to excitement-I thought we would have it all right then and there.

* * *

Had I had the time to think of Bella's beautiful words then, none of it ever would have needed to go so far! I'd of realized all she'd said and been unable to resist her divinity and intellect I'm sure. I would've opened up and reveled all the cracks in my soul, all those pointless scars. We'd of been perfect. Not that all ended terribly due to Alice's out burst..., but it was harder. She thinks it was a vicious fate, I called her an idiot then, but I'm sorry for it. After the barriers were to of been let down, I can see how we'd of been wed on Christmas. She was on the verge of convincing me to turn her, though only Alice knew. It could of gone well or terrible-depending of not Bella, but me. Alice grumbles it use to always depend on me. Now Bella is the warrior and I her servant.


End file.
